DETECTING AND DISMANTLING WRONG ASSUMPTIONS

- Article by UJJVALA RADHE DEVI DASI

“We make all sorts of assumptions because we do not have the courage to ask questions” -Don Miguel Ruiz

A closer look at assumptions

Though well begun, oftentimes we feel a loss of connection and continuity in some important relationships. Be it personal or professional, such relationships can be taken to the next level by taking a closer look at one’s assumptions and working on them.

Forming assumptions is the way the mind works by drawing from past experiences and fabricating thought patterns to process the situations of life.

Essentially, assumptions are different from facts. How do we differentiate between the two?

Let’s take a look at the following example...

“My friend does not text me as often as before. She does not like me anymore!”

In the above statement, the first part is a fact and the second part is an assumption.

Considering an assumption to be the reality an individual runs the risk of forming multiple faulty impressions and ends up in emotional wrecks and risky decision-making. Such flawed assumptions permeate the psyche as feelings of fear, insecurity, possessiveness, aversion, etc, and manifest as hurtful speech, withdrawal, and erratic responses.

Are assumptions always bad?

No!

The opposite of assumption is to question.

Imagine if a person must question the integrity of every single choice made in a day…one would go insane!

Hence assumptions are not always inherently bad. They do have their utility in making everyday choices without draining mental energies. Assumptions are also consciously and productively used in the scientific research process for hypothesis formation.

On the other hand, assumptions can potentially become psychological cobwebs and choke up the mind. They are considered dysfunctional when they become inflexible, rigid and lead to counterproductive behaviours.

Dealing with wrong assumptions.

The Bhagavad Gita (6.5) crisply states

uddhared ātmanātmānaṁ

nātmānam avasādayet

ātmaiva hy ātmano bandhur

ātmaiva ripur ātmanaḥ

Translation

One must deliver himself with the help of his mind, and not degrade himself. The mind is the friend of the conditioned soul, and his enemy as well.

Therefore, instead of getting caught up in the nasty cobwebs of wrong assumptions, one can train the mind with the help of the next-door neighbour - the intelligence.

This training can happen with three steps of ABC

A – Activate Awareness

B – Broach

C- Clarify

Step 1 – Activating awareness of one’s gloomy outlook and dissonance in interpersonal interactions is the first and crucial step to steer clear of wrong assumptions. It calls for investing time in the self.

Step 2 – One can broach into the inner thought patterns and self-talk and investigate for any defeatist tendencies. A careful analysis at this stage can filter out assumptions from facts. Oftentimes, an expert counsel can be a great help to process this stage.

Step 3 – Clarifying - though simple, it takes a lot of inner effort. After shovelling and unearthing the landmines of distortive assumptions, the next wise step is to clarify with the people, around whom the assumptions are tightly woven. This step, when executed with careful deliberation and fine communication can not only demystify the clouds of misunderstandings but can also cement a strong bonding.

Hence, lasting relationships are based on communication and not assumption.

Evolving into an unassuming personality

By training the mind repeatedly in the above steps one can gradually befriend the tricky mind. Such a befriended mind then opens the doors to bountiful joy. One can experience light heartedness, a sunny disposition and an effervescent spirit.

The mind having thus passed through the dense cocoons of toxic assumptions then evolves into a graceful butterfly unfurling the beautiful hues of an unassuming nature.